How to Be a Star
1. Name your goldfish George, your dog Famous, your cardinal Richelieu, your fawn Ip.
2. Collapse into (Marcel le Bon, Lord James Hanson, Gregory Peck, Humphrey Bogart, William Holden, Mel Ferrer, Fred Astaire, Gary Cooper, Anthony Perkins, Peter Finch, Burt Lancaster, George Peppard, James Garner, Cary Grant, William Holden, Rex Harrison, Peter O’Toole, Albert Finney, Andrea Doti, Sean Connery, Ben Gazzara, Robert Wolders)’s arms.
3. Try diamonds. Try Paris, try Rome. Try New York, try London. Try singing, try dancing. Try Givenchy, try Valentino. Try older, try younger. Try men, try women. Try too hard: don’t bother at all. Try flowers.
4. Take up a habit: dogs or clothes, praying or eating—don’t stop eating.
5. Learn the right tune: “Isn’t It Romantic”—“La Vie en Rose”—“Fascination”—“Wouldn’t It Be Loverly”—“Moon River”—“Charade.” Sing, and the moon’s reaching for you.
6. Arrange poignant childhood experiences: paternal abandonment, devotion to ballet, war, Nazi invasion and occupation, malnutrition, near starvation, disappearance, liberation. Arrange poignant adult experiences: depression, anxiety, anorexia, troubled marriages, miscarriages. Arrange poignant golden years: flowers, children, land mines, charity.
7. Always know which side of your face to show.
8. Make brassieres a thing of the past. Wear ballet slippers. Show a bit of neck, a bit of shoulder. Dress down before you dress up. Forget makeup. Don’t go blond. Find the right hat for the right hair. Do your own hairdo at home. Go for Givenchy. Diamonds after forty, skirts before. Go new wave if you can. Don’t just wear: live. Try Valentino, Lauren, Ferragamo. Look good in everything. Look good in nothing.
9. Be discovered by Colette, bankrolled by Paramount.
10. Encourage emulation. Inspire idolatry. Be a muse, be a nymph, be a sprite, bewitch me. Rise from obscurity. Set trends. Break habits. Make statements. Count blessings. Distribute kindnesses. Arouse devotion. Devote yourself to nobility. Ascend, ascend, ascend.