Peter Joshua: How about making me vice president in charge of cheering you up?

[Tearing filter off cigarette]
Regina Lampert: I can't stand these things... it's like drinking coffee through a veil.

Regina Lampert: I already know an awful lot of people and until one of them dies I couldn't possibly meet anyone else.
Peter Joshua: Well, if anyone goes on the critical list, let me know.

Adam Canfield: Wow, when you come on, you come on, don't you?
Regina Lampert: Oh, come on!

Regina Lampert: Do you know what's wrong with you?
Peter Joshua: No, what?
Regina Lampert: Nothing!

Sylvie: It is infuriating that your unhappiness does not turn to fat!

[Touching the cleft in his chin.]
Regina Lampert: How do you shave in there?

Regina Lampert: Of course, you won't be able to lie on your back for a while but then you can lie from any position, can't you?

Inspector Grandpierre: We use the guillotine in this country. I have always imagined that the blade, coming down, causes no more than a slight tickling sensation on the back of the neck. It is only a guess, of course. I hope none of you ever finds out for certain.

Peter Joshua: So you think *I'm* the murderer? What do I have to do to convince you that I'm not, be the next victim?
Regina Lambert: Well that would be a start.

Herman Scobie: Now we wait. With our mouths shut.
Alexander Dyle: [yawns] Sorry about that.

Adam Canfield: Well, what did you expect me to say? That a pretty girl with an outrageous manner means more to an old pro like me than a quarter of a million dollars?
Regina Lampert: I don't suppose so.
Adam Canfield: Well, it's a toss-up, I can tell you that.
Regina Lampert: What did you say?
Adam Canfield: Hasn't it occurred to you that I'm having a tough time keeping my hands off you?
[Regina is stunned.]
Adam Canfield: Oh, you should see your face.
Regina Lampert: What's the matter with it?
Adam Canfield: It's lovely.
[Regina drops her knife and fork]
Adam Canfield: What's the matter now?
Regina Lampert: I'm not hungry anymore; isn't it glorious?

Tex Panthollow: She batted them pretty little eyes at you, and you fell for it like an egg from a tall chicken!

Inspector Grandpierre: Tell me, Mister Dyle. Where were you at 3:30 a.m.?
Adam Canfield: In my room. Asleep.
Inspector Grandpierre: And you, Mrs. Lampert?
Regina Lampert: I was, too.
Inspector Grandpierre: In Mister Dyle's room?
Regina Lampert: No, in my room.
Inspector Grandpierre: Obviously you're telling the truth, for why would you invent such a ridiculous story?

Alexander Dyle: Do women find it feminine to be so illogical, or can't they help it?

Regina Lampert: Marriage license, did you say marriage license? Oh I love you Adam, Alex, Peter, Brian, whatever your name is.

[Gideon is looking at Charles' body in the coffin and begins to sneeze violently.]
Sylvie Gaudel: He must've known Charles pretty well.
Reggie Lampert: How can you tell?
Sylvie Gaudel: He's allergic to him.

Inspector Grandpierre: This nose tells me when you are lying. It is never mistaken, not in 23 years. This nose will make me commissioner of police.

Leopold Gideon: Well, you know I'd tell you if I had it.
Tex Panthollow: Oh *naturally*, just like I'd tell you if I had it.
Leopold Gideon: *Naturally*. And that goes for Herman too.
Tex Panthollow, Leopold Gideon: *Naturally*.

[The third murder has just been discovered.]
Inspector Grandpierre: Three of them. All in their pyjamas? C'est ridicule! What is it, some new American fad?

Peter Joshua: Why do you think Tex did it?
Reggie Lampert: Because I really suspect Gideon and it's always the person you don't suspect.
Peter Joshua: Do women find it feminine to be so illogical, or can't they help it?

Adam Canfield: Heroin, peppermint-flavored heroin.

Hamilton Bartholomew: [Watching Reggie light another one of his cigarettes, immediately after snuffing one out she had barely puffed]
Do you know what these things cost over here?

Thanks to The Internet Movie Database